You're now a _____ fan?

What do I do for 3 hours on Sunday now that the Vikings don’t exist? — Derek M.

There’s only so many times you can go apple picking. So let’s imagine a world where Vikings fans want to root for a new team. They’ll rule out NFC teams for obvious reasons.

In the AFC, the Patriots, Chiefs and Steelers are out because you’re not a front-runner. The Chargers, Colts, Ravens, Titans and Raiders are out because you don’t like teams that abandon their home markets. The Jets are out because you’re not full of undeserved confidence. You’re going to want a nice, mid-size market like Minnesota that’s often overlooked nationally. That rules out the Dolphins, Jaguars, Bengals and Bills.

So we’re left now with the Broncos, Browns and Texans. But you, former Minnesota fan, want an underdog that hasn’t had much success. You don’t want to celebrate previous Super Bowls you weren’t a part of. So that rules out the Broncos. And you like history, so the Texans are out.

Oh no. You’re a Browns fan now.