Unwritten Rules For Vikings Fans

The “Unwritten Rules” of baseball brigade has been out in force the past week ever since Fernando Tatis Jr. did the unthinkable and hit a grand slam on a 3-0 count in the eighth inning despite being given the take sign with his team already up by seven runs. The Slam Diego Padres’ young superstar was blasted by the baseball purist guardians of said rules-that-aren’t-written-down-yet-everyone-should-abide-by. Others came to his defense, as always happens when the unwritten rules debate re-ignites. It’s a fun little tradition that fans of America’s Pastime engage in at some point each season – even during pandemically induced truncated seasons apparently.

Of course, unwritten rules aren’t just for baseball. They exist in football, too.

You know, stuff like…

- Defenders shouldn’t level a ballcarrier who’s laying up to step out of bounds.

- Rookies need to keep their mouths closed and ears open… and carry the veteran’s shoulder pads off the practice field.

- Thou shalt not touch the quarterback during practice.

- Never discuss another player’s contract. That’s his business.

There’s seemingly no shortage of these unwritten rules for players and teams, yet I’m not sure anyone has broached the topic of unwritten rules for sports fans. If they have, I can’t find them written down anywhere… wait a minute. My bad. Obviously, they’re not written down. Unwritten rules merely get discussed, debated… and occasionally broken.

Therefore, I’m endeavoring to do what’s never been done by making a list – yes, writing down – the unwritten rules for a sports fanbase. And since you’re on a website that covers the Minnesota Vikings and probably read the title of this article, you probably already know the particular fanbase to which I’m referring.

I present to you (some of) the Unwritten Rules for Vikings Fans.

THE PACKERS ARE THE ENEMY

Let’s just get this one out of the way first, as this Minnesota cottage industry could be an entirely separate list. In fact, it just might be in the buildup prior to Week 1 when the Vikings and Packers are set to kick off the season at US Bank Stadium. [Insert winking emoji face here.]

In the business, we call that foreshadowing.

Anyway, I had to include this obvious one on the list or its omission would have stood out like a sore thumb – or a sober Packers fan if you will. Anyway, it is known that the second favorite team of any Vikings fan is whichever team is playing against the Packers that week. More on this when we do a deep dive in a few weeks.

Let’s move on.

ADHERENCE TO PESSIMISTIC FATALISM

Nothing will ever end well for the Vikings.

Those who have been fans of the team for a few generations know this to be true somewhere deep in their bowels. Admitting it is the first step to becoming a true Vikings fan.

Younger Vikings fans will scoff at your negativity, but they’ll learn. Someday they’ll know better. They just haven’t been beaten down by decades of unfulfilled potential as well as playoff and Super Bowl embarrassments. They haven’t had the life sucked out of them by prime-time nationally televised debacles and anguishing losses that always happen in the most painful, ridiculous, heartbreaking, unnecessary way.

It will always be something: a last-minute Hail Mary, an uncalled penalty, missed field goal, injuries or just crapping the bed against an opponent that they should beat. It’s better to never get your hopes too high. Let the soul of your Vikings fandom remain dead to its core in order to avoid the pain. Because there will be pain. Oh, there will be pain.

This belief system shall remain in place until and unless the Vikings win the Super Bowl someday. If that happens, feel free to shed this deeply rooted gloom and commence partying.

DON’T TALK SUPER BOWL SUCCESS WITH FANS OF OTHER TEAMS

Much like one should never get involved in a land war in Asia, Vikings fans should avoid getting involved in a discussion about Super Bowl success or lack thereof with fans of other teams… especially that cheesy team to the East.

If the fan of another team ever disses your Vikings, don’t come back at them with, “Oh yeah, well when’s the last time your team ever won a Super Bowl?” or “Yeah, but your team hasn’t won a Super Bowl in 28 years! Boom! Roasted.”

Not so fast. You’re falling right into their trap.

Remember: the Vikings have never won a Super Bowl. They’ve lost four and didn’t play well in any of them. The last time they even played in one, something called “Up with People” was still the featured halftime attraction.

Instead, keep your counter-arguments based on something else — head-to-head records, statistical measures, Pro Bowl players, better stadium amenities, nicer uniforms, the quarterback’s flow, the wide receiver’s drip. Literally anything but Super Bowl comments.